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What is it that causes mothers who work in the home to hang their heads when they are asked what they do?
Just the other day, I asked a lovely woman I met on the tennis courts what she does, and she replied, with the requisite bent head, “Oh, I’m just a mom.” Upon further discussion, I learnt that she used to work for one of the top pharmaceutical companies in the United States, overseeing a multi-million dollar budget, and a stable of employees. Clearly she is a very intelligent and accomplished woman, so why is it that she could not claim her “mother” role with as much zest as she used to claim her role as a corporate worker?
Unfortunately, she is not alone in this dilemma. I have met numerous doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers, executives from businesses of every type – women with amazing resumes, who suffer from this same affliction. Each of them decided to put their careers on hold to raise their children, oftentimes after wrestling with what their peers and families would think of them for making such a decision. While they are adamant that this was the right decision for themselves and their families, they just don’t think that society ‘gets’ that decision, hence the hesitation when they are asked what they do. I know how this feels, and I too went through way too long a period where the one question I dreaded being asked in a social setting was what I did for a living. Thank goodness, I have come a long way. I now wholeheartedly embrace the wise words of the great Dr. Seuss:
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
Some would say that my embrace is a little too tight. A few months ago, at my first meeting as a newly appointed member of a nonprofit board (a situation that in the past would have filled me with dread), one of the attendees asked me “the question.” When I replied with much gusto that I am a mom (NOTE – no mention of the word “just”), her eyebrows raised in surprise, and she said, ”Wow, you say that with so much ease.” Perhaps she was more accustomed to hearing the trepidation in many of our voices when giving the “just a mom” response.
I have to wonder if society would show more respect for the work that mothers do if we showed more confidence and enthusiasm for our work. Even in the face of “the look” or the “Ooohhhh” from those learning of my work status, I refuse to treat the word mom like a dirty word, or to assume the expected role of the shrinking violet commonly known as “just a mom”.
Although I am just as interested as the next person in the numerous surveys quantifying the dollar value of a mother’s work, I wish that as a society, we did not need financial data to wrap our heads around the value in raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted children who will grow up to become productive members of society. In my book, the value of this task is – priceless!
Do you think “mom’ has become a dirty word? Do you believe that society values the work of a mother?
I do think the word “mom” has become a dirty word as society in my opinion does not embrace this position and/or role as being a real job. As this job (mom) is recognized as being a non-contributor to society. In fact, Moms ARE a major contributor to society as we are raising our sons and daughters to be respectful and honest individuals.
Regarding your post, I completely understand how this person felt saying “I am just a Mom.” As it is something to be ashamed of by saying it out loud and in public. Society does this to women. It makes us feel like our education, knowledge, and experience has gone to waste because of the sacrifice we want to make for her family.
After having my twin boys (14 years ago) my husband and I agreed I would stay home for three years and raise our children while attending graduate school in the evening. Being a stay at home Mom during that time was the best time of my LIFE. My only pressure was running to the supermarket between naps and agreeing to play dates.
When we decided it was time for me to go back to work, I was miserable. I returned to Pharmaceutical industry (10 years ago), and been unhappy with my career. The best job I had was being a “stay at home MOM” as my stress level and happiness was different. So what there was no monetary gift associated with my decision to stay home, and I had to pinch pennies during those years, it was all well worth it.
So, for all of you “STAY AT HOME MOMS”, say it loud “I am a stay at home MOM, and I am PROUD.
MES. Welcome again! Yes – many in our society have a tendency to make moms feel like they are non-contributors, which is a shame because that could not be further from the truth. I am sorry that you are unhappy with your current work situation. As you know, I am a big proponent for living, rather than merely existing. Life is too short to spend your time simply going through the motions. I hope that you will explore your options to determine if a change in postion, work hours, or employer could result in a more satisfying work arrangement for you. Please do not feel like work and life are supposed to be suffered through! I am confident that with some self reflection and work, you can find a way to live a life that is more satisfying to you. I wish you peace and success on your life journey.
I agree! Stay at home moms do FAR more work than mothers who actually GO TO WORK!! They have a lot of responsibilities and they are more influential in their children’s life. It is more than a full-time job! Its is a life style! Deciding to become a mother means sacrifices, strength, and wisdom. This is a job that cannot be compensated monetarily, but more so, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Valerie: Thanks for your comment! It is my hope that mothers who work inside and outside of the home will respect the unique difficulties associated with each others position. It is a shame that mothers who work outside are presumed to be useful members of society but those who work at home too often are not.